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If I told people I was an introvert most people would laugh. If I told people I really hated being around people, they would keep laughing.
Truth is though, I'd rather be alone. I choose my isolation based on a history of people being assholes. I like my hermit life. No one disappoints me, no one breaks promises, no one makes me feel like shit and no one tries to control my life.
I am in complete control. If there is sadness, anger, joy, disappointment, anything, its on me. It's my problem. Same with my Monkey. I keep her sheltered from people who can disappoint her. People who cancel plans with her, people who lie to her, people who can disappoint her. It's not that I don't let her make friends with kids, kids are kids, she learns and grows from them. Adults however, I select very very carefully who becomes part of her life regularly. Very few pass the test and most just prove to me why I am so selective.
As for myself, I keep my distance. I'm perfectly happy alone with bursts of social interaction. Does this make it difficult sometimes? Yup, but I've made it this far. I'm tired of people thinking because I have an illness that I can't function all by myself. I hate being made to feel like I require help to survive. I'm 29 years old, last time I checked I'm doing ok. Do I get lonely? Sure, but I remind myself why I made the choices I made and I move on.
The people I have chosen to keep around acknowledge and respect my need to be alone. To shut off the world and just be by myself. Those who can't understand that can't stay around. It's how I live and I like it. If you don't, the door is over there.
Life is so much simpler in silence and solitude.
