The Fight

So I screwed up... Going to make a long story short but here it is...

Awhile back there was a paperwork kerfuffle with my housing. Could have been me, could have been them, doesn't matter now, but it caused me to lose my subsidy for 3 months. This upped my rent to 7x more then I normally pay. Obviously I didn't have that kind of money.

We went to the housing tribunal and I managed to make arrangements to make up the back rent and get my subsidy back. However it was not retroactive so I still owed $2000+ to be paid back in monthly payments.

Last month I missed my payment. Things were hectic, my anxiety was insane and I didn't have it by the time I remembered it.

My landlord filed to have me evicted.

Successfully.

Unless I came up with the full back rent by first thing Friday morning. 3 days to come up with $1900 or the sheriff is at my door.

On top of that, the landlord called CAS and told them I was being evicted and not a safe parent. After speaking to CAS and having them in my home, my parenting is not in question however the looming eviction still makes it a possibility that they will take my Monkey from me.

My beautiful, sweet Monkey.

I am fighting. Calls are being made and I'm working my ass off to get this fixed.

This is my fault. I don't blame anyone else. I fucked up. Now I have to fix it.

I hit twitter and cried and fell apart. Realizing I needed help people joined together and are trying to help me. It took a lot from me to admit I needed help. I want to help people, not have people help me. That's in my blood, it's hard to become the helpee when you're the helper. I'm still working through the emotions of it all.

I'm scared.

Absolutely terrified. Being homeless again would be awful but losing my baby would end me. She is everything to me.

So I need good vibes right now. All the positive thoughts and love you can muster. A few of my friends have started a grassroots campaign via twitter to raise the money I need. I don't even know how I'm going to thank them. I would be so lost without them.

If you can/want to help, people are sending e-transfers to pillowmonkey@gmail.com because it's the fastest way to transfer money.

Donations are great, I appreciate them so much but your love is just as if not more important. You all read my blog and hold my hand through my ups and downs. My desperate attempts to keep my head in one piece. I can't even fathom my life without this space of healing and love. Even when I'm at my lowest I know I'm safe in this space. I thank you from the bottom of everything I have.

Now... Back to the fight.

**Update** I am actually almost half way to what I need. I am stunned. I will never be able to thank anyone enough.