Sometimes I Pray

Christmas is hard for me. Really hard. Both of my grandparents passed away within roughly a week of Christmas, a friend passed away, I've been homeless, alone, sick, scared and tired. Don't get me wrong, I've also had wonderful Christmases that I cherish but it doesn't make the holidays less difficult.

Lately I've had some major issues with my back. Not to get into details but I've been in lots of pain and terrified. This is just adding to the pile of holiday season downers for me. I'm living on Percocet and and coffee trying to keep it together. It's not going great but it's not completely debilitating yet either so I'm trying to keep my head up.

My plan today had been to hit some black Friday sales for me. I don't buy myself much and I'm in desperate need of boots and jeans (since I just ripped the only ones that were decent, fuck). I also wanted to look into something just for my new phone. So I got out the flyers and started the sift. Then I realized something. With the sales - I could easily buy a bunch of toys for low income kids.

Being homeless at Christmas sucked, being poor at Christmas sucks. Not because it's about gifts, but because it loses some magic when you feel like you're letting down your kid. I feel like this a lot, not just at Christmas but Christmas is worse. Little people don't understand being poor. They understand that every store has something shiny they want to look at. They understand that Santa loves them and brings them presents. They understand that something special happens on December 25th that they can't explain.

Kids with nothing don't understand why Santa doesn't visit them. They wish harder and harder but it doesn't change anything.

On December 25th sometimes nothing happens.

So today I'm going to skip the boots and jeans, forgo my personal toy, and hit the Black Friday sales for some donation toys. It's the right thing for me to do. It's not right for everyone and I'm not saying you should run out and drop your grocery money on toys, but I am asking that if you can, grab an extra Barbie, extra book or extra Beyblade and remind a kid that wishes come true if you believe they will and someone believes in you.

People have been so generous with me personally. My baby has never known not having a Christmas because people have been so kind and giving. I pray sometimes that I will be able to be that person to other families who need help one day. Until then I do what I can, and try and keep paying my blessings in life forward. Will I wear running shoes in the snow for awhile? Yup, but it won't kill me. An extra 2 weeks in runners means a real Christmas gift for some little person and that is the best decision I can make.


5 Dollar Project Needs You

As you may or may not know, my other baby is my non-profit The 5 Dollar Project. We teamed up with Foodlove KW to bring 50 homeless teens a Christmas. We've hit some snags, some unexpected curves and some dips in the road. We need help. I hate begging and spamming and all that bullshit but this... THIS is whats important people. Supporting our fellow humans. Simply being kind. So here is the post that just went up at www.5dollarproject.org, please consider helping us.

I know I am behind on keeping you all updated on how things are going with 5 Dollar, and all the great things we've been up to. Well thats because we've been busy working hard to make things happen. Right now though, I'm personally asking for help.

As you know, we teamed up with FoodLove KW for #50teens4Christmas and we have been working our butts off. Unfortunately we've run into a few snags along the way and despite wishing, praying and 70 hour weeks, we can't overcome them alone. We need help.

First off, we need to get our information out there to people. We are tweeting and facebooking and emailing and talking ourselves blue but we need more. We need some media attention, we need some big corporations spreading the word within their companies, WE NEED YOU telling people how they can help by donating to #50teens4Christmas.

Secondly, we need money. As crass and abrupt as that may be to say, its truth. Due to some unforeseen sponsor drop outs, venue changes and exorbitant Christmas price mark ups we straight to the point need cash. Now were not asking you to just throw money at us for nothing. We have the amazing donation give-a-way set up with prizes that certainly hold their own. Concert tickets, electronics, gift certificates, toys, one of a kind memorabilia - thousands of dollars worth of prizes and all people need to do is donate... ANYTHING. Were poor, we know money is tight, seriously 5 bucks - 2 bucks - the quarters in the bottom of your purse, we will take it and we will enter you in the draw!

No Paypal? No problem! Cash, cheque, email money transfer - we will take it any way you want to give it to us. We will come to you!

We are personally putting our blood, sweat, tears, man hours and money in to this. We WILL be giving these teens a Christmas. But my god we need help.


So please, I am begging you. Help us help some kids that have nothing. You can Spread Smiles so easily this year. So easily. Tis the season. Donate HERE

or HERE >