Dating With Angry Birds

As a perpetually single lady on the dating scene I've had the opportunity to observe many different types of daters. While laying in bed the other night once again not sleeping, I realized that daters and dating very often mirrors everyones favorite flying heroes, the Angry Birds. Yes folks its true... Come meet every possible date you could have as portrayed in Angry Birds.

  • The Yellow Bird - Starts off at a nice pace but give one signal and they fly into over drive speeding into things.

  • The Blue Bird - Seems great until something needs doing then BOOM split personalities!

  • The White Bird - Flies along easily and then suddenly drops a bomb you didn't even see coming.

  • The Boomerang Bird - Wonderful, unless you want the relationship to move forward because they will suddenly turn around and regresses to teenage antics

  • The Black Bird - is there an explanation needed? An obvious anger management issue waiting to happen.

All these birds flying around are trying to eradicate the memories of your previous ex's, also known as those smiling jackass green pigs who stole your eggs (a.k.a. Your youth, your innocence and quite possibly your stereo.)

Everyone is looking to find the elusive Red Bird. The one with no tricks, no issues and needs no special powers. The one who flies straight and just does what it needs to do.

So my advice to you singles out there is, if you find your Red Bird, hold on to them. They will help make your life 3 stars! /cheesy notion of romance


What I Learned From The Grammys

And its not "Who is Esperanza Spalding". Though I do know that now and she did help with this realization.

Turns out, I don't hate Justin Bieber.


I know I know, I was shocked as the next guy. I mean you won't catch me buying a CD or heading out to see Never Say Never, but I probably won't groan and change the station next time one of his songs is on the radio.

My actual hatred is directed towards a lot of his fans. Half of the four Bieber fan groups. What are the four groups you ask?

1. The Beliebers - Fans of all ages who enjoy his music.
2. The Crushers - Young people (18 and under) who have the posters, and CDs and write "I heart the Biebs" on their binders.
3. The Creepy Cougars - The over 18s who publicly declare their love and think he's "hot". Much like The Crushers but on a "you're WAY too old to say that child is hot" level.
4. The Crazies - The obsessive fan that thinks Justin is the be all and end all of music and no one is as good as he is. Tweets, Facebooks or blogs almost constantly and hates anyone who doesn't love The Biebs.

Can you guess which two categories of fan I'm not a fan of?

Let's start with The Creepy Cougars, thats the easy group. Simply put, Justin Bieber is 16 years old for crying out loud! If you are over 18 calling him "hot" makes you dirty. There is no question about that. If a 20 something obsessed over a non-famous 16 year old we would be creeped out and probably have them arrested.

Now the group that straight out just makes me mad as hell, The Crazies. I think this category's best example is the defamation of Esperanza Spaldings wikipedia page after her win at the Grammys. The digital jackassery displayed was epic. You didn't see Gagas Little Monsters tearing into Arcade Fire after they won. You can be a fan of one musician without bashing another one.

These same fans have made threats about people hanging out with him, blown up Twitter and basically caused people to hate on Justin for no reason other then we can't stand hearing about how "He's too good to hang out with so and so" or he's the second coming of the Beatles. Not to mention the serious injuries caused by a mall riot at one of his shows. For gods sake people, pull it together! Also, where the hell are these kids parents?!

So there it is folks. I do not hate The Biebs. Hell the kid even has a certain charm about him...


Everything Old Is New Again

So I'm not ashamed to say I have a profile on a few online dating websites. Hell this day and age you never know where you could meet Mr.Right or even Mr.Right-Now and if nothing else its good for a laugh.

Speaking of laughing...

Years ago I went through a phase, newly divorced, in a new city, money to blow, liquor to drink, boys to seduce. And seduce I did! Always safely but any who...

This morning I wake up to a new message on one of the dating sites. How exciting! Who could it be?! Theres always a little bit of excitement knowing someone messaged me. So off I went clicking to find out who this mystery man was, logged in, clicked on my inbox and got a very nice intro message...

From someone I already slept with.

Oh lord its finally happened. I'm apparently recycling men. (Also, ummmm, am I that forgettable? Really?! I mean I didnt think so but come on! I think I might look into stepping up my game next time around.) I have run out of men I havn't slept with and I am starting over again at the top of the list. I didn't think I had slept with enough people for that to happen!

So the question really is, how does one respond to this lovely message? "We've met before, I lost my bra in your bedroom. Did you ever find it?"? Send him his own address and a description of his tiny awful bathroom? Pretend I dont know him?

I'd like to take this opportunity to mention that this may in fact be the post I am most proud of having written. /sarcasm


Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

So I know you've all been on pins and needles waiting to see who who who is getting to head out to Bingemans for some FunworX or Glow-In-The-Dark fun! I know I have!

First let me tell you a little story. Being that this is my first give away I had never used a randomizer before, Im sure you can imagine where this is going. Copy, paste, cry, yell, paste, restart computer, rip out hair, buy hat, cover new found bald spot, copy, paste, fail again, give up, write everyones name down on paper and put them in my new hat and draw that way.

So, yeah, I did it old skool, fitting given my awesome Vanilla Ice button that I got at Bingemans.

Any way, back to the news you have ll been waiting for, THE WINNERS!

First for the date night/adult fun night out golf passes... Jennie from Platypus On Parade!

Second the FunworX indoor climber passes for the kiddos... Craig from Big Daddy Kreativ!

Congrats guys! Ill be in touch shortly!

And thank you again to Bingemans for the great night out and the passes for my awesome readers!