Dating With Angry Birds

As a perpetually single lady on the dating scene I've had the opportunity to observe many different types of daters. While laying in bed the other night once again not sleeping, I realized that daters and dating very often mirrors everyones favorite flying heroes, the Angry Birds. Yes folks its true... Come meet every possible date you could have as portrayed in Angry Birds.

• The Yellow Bird - Starts off at a nice pace but give one signal and they fly into over drive speeding into things.

• The Blue Bird - Seems great until something needs doing then BOOM split personalities!

• The White Bird - Flies along easily and then suddenly drops a bomb you didn't even see coming.

• The Boomerang Bird - Wonderful, unless you want the relationship to move forward because they will suddenly turn around and regresses to teenage antics

• The Black Bird - is there an explanation needed? An obvious anger management issue waiting to happen.

All these birds flying around are trying to eradicate the memories of your previous ex's, also known as those smiling jackass green pigs who stole your eggs (a.k.a. Your youth, your innocence and quite possibly your stereo.)

Everyone is looking to find the elusive Red Bird. The one with no tricks, no issues and needs no special powers. The one who flies straight and just does what it needs to do.

So my advice to you singles out there is, if you find your Red Bird, hold on to them. They will help make your life 3 stars! /cheesy notion of romance

Everything Old Is New Again

So I'm not ashamed to say I have a profile on a few online dating websites. Hell this day and age you never know where you could meet Mr.Right or even Mr.Right-Now and if nothing else its good for a laugh.

Speaking of laughing...

Years ago I went through a phase, newly divorced, in a new city, money to blow, liquor to drink, boys to seduce. And seduce I did! Always safely but any who...

This morning I wake up to a new message on one of the dating sites. How exciting! Who could it be?! Theres always a little bit of excitement knowing someone messaged me. So off I went clicking to find out who this mystery man was, logged in, clicked on my inbox and got a very nice intro message...

From someone I already slept with.

Oh lord its finally happened. I'm apparently recycling men. (Also, ummmm, am I that forgettable? Really?! I mean I didnt think so but come on! I think I might look into stepping up my game next time around.) I have run out of men I havn't slept with and I am starting over again at the top of the list. I didn't think I had slept with enough people for that to happen!

So the question really is, how does one respond to this lovely message? "We've met before, I lost my bra in your bedroom. Did you ever find it?"? Send him his own address and a description of his tiny awful bathroom? Pretend I dont know him?

I'd like to take this opportunity to mention that this may in fact be the post I am most proud of having written. /sarcasm