Sometimes You Piss Me Off

The term "Single Parent" bothers me. Single refers to my relationship status and has nothing to do with my parenting. If we attached our relationship status to everything that may be relationship related I feel like even Zuckerberg would have issues making a drop down box big enough for all the possibilities.

Parenting Status: It's fucking complicated!

I prefer the term "solo parent", it really just makes more sense. Plus it's less complicated when life changes. Most people I know who have kids, have kids with 2 parents. Together, separate, battling each other, on again off again but there's always 2. You are dual parenting. Step-parents? You are multi parenting. See how much easier this is?

Now, moving on to why I'm pissed off and how it relates to solo, dual and multi parenting.

I hear people saying things like "single parenting today" or "spouse has a business trip next week, how am I going handle my kid(s) all by myself?!" and seriously? It makes me angry. You know how you're going to do it? You just are.

You are not "single parenting" (unless your spouse is leaving you). You're not even solo-parenting. You are watching your own damn kid(s). Stop making it sound like you are completely incapable of parenting all by yourself. You are still dual parenting. If the house burns down, the kid explodes or you end up half dead at the side of the road, there is someone who will rush home to make sure your kids are ok. That's the advantage of dual parenting!

Then I hear things like "Can't wait until Dad gets home so I can have a break" or "Moms turn to do bed time" and I think to myself, at what point did parenting become a job that has a "break"? Do you also get a lunch and vacation pay?

I get it, parenting is fucking frustrating. Kids develop this thing called "thoughts of their own" and "free will" and make us bananas but think before you speak, please. PLEASE! Contrary to popular belief there are a lot of kids who have two parents that are still together and every time you make a comment about how difficult it is to be alone with your kids it makes those of us that do it every single day incredibly annoyed. Pissed off even.

It's not a compliment. I know you think its a compliment to our parenting capabilities, but really, its not. Doing what is required of you in life and having people point out that its hard constantly just makes it harder. Why? Because now were thinking about it constantly. As an example, its like saying to a blind person "I don't know how you live your day to day life because you're blind." You just do what you have to do.

So next time you're all by yourself with your own children and are about to make a comment about how hard it is to be alone with your kids for a few days, think before you speak.


  1. I didn't realise it was offensive to say that I really rely on my husband to co-parent. I don't babysit my own kids, I parent them. But I sure appreciate the fact that I have someone else to share those responsibilities with.

    And I do wonder how people who don't have a partner, parent, friend, whatever to help them manage it. I do. Because I rely heavily on my husband.

    So for all of us who've ever complained, I apologise.

  2. Bravo!!!!!!!

    I sooo relate to your frustration! Have done the "solo parent" for a long time.

  3. Likely the compliment on how great you are doing or how hard it is to be single/solo is more reflective of the fact that not many people set out to be single/solo parents. As in the ideal is not that, so people assume something must have happened to get you to be without some one else. There is a lot of emotion behind that comment and generally is meant as a compliment.

  4. I also didn't realize that it was offensive to say I rely on my husband to help parent my kids. I am sorry to piss you off by using the term solo parenting to talk about my current situation. When my husband travels for work I am here alone, yes he is still there but no he can't always rush home because an emergency happens. In many causes I am not even able to talk to him.

    I work 12-16 hours a day, I don't have a nanny or a baby sitter. My only family that helps lives hours away. My husband helps and he helps a lot (with the household, the kids and my business), so when he is away it is hard. I have no shame in admitting that.

  5. Alex, Lindsay - the difference is you guys team parent. You work together with your s/o to raise your kids. You don't see your other half as a stand in so you can take a break. It's the people who think their other half is a glorified babysitter that they can't function without that bothers me.

    And L - I wrote this 2 days ago, I just didn't post it. Solo parenting IS hard. It's also totally doable, which you didn't question at all. You were stating fact. :)


Lord knows I have an opinion, you should have one too!