Leaving the stage I felt different. Something in me had changed.
I walked back into the greenroom to smiles and high fives. I sat down to compose myself and try and start breathing again. I could vaguely hear Mark (Horvath) giving his talk on the live stream to the greenroom. I don't remember much. Everything was moving in slow motion and fast forward at the same time. Walking out of the greenroom every 2 steps I was stopped. Hugs, kind words, tears, thank yous, smiles... To be honest, I was overwhelmed. I smiled and returned hugs and kind words but desperately needed a few minutes to gather my thoughts, I also needed food. I loved being able to affect people, to hug people, hear their words but I am also a girl who needs processing time, and who is easily overwhelmed.
Then Kat found me.
All I remember saying is "Its taken me 45 minutes to get across the room, I need out". She grabbed my hand, told me "head down" and made for the exit. I muttered thanks yous and smiled and Kat had me outside in minutes. Still being stopped, but outside I felt much better, breathing easier. Jacki and Gord found me outside on their way to lunch, I knew leaving wasn't really an option but asked them to bring me back something to eat.
(At this point I have to say, looking back, had I not been there with friends, old and new, I don't know that my experience would have been so amazing. My beautiful family of men and women, young, old, rich, poor, tall, short, made 140 what it was for me. Leaving NYC, I wasn't just leaving a city, I was leaving a group of people I knew had changed my life. People who were there for me. People who look out for me. I am grateful.)
Sitting outside with Kat, she looks at me and says "Remember when you told me you didn't know how you were going to be able to talk between Carlos Delgado and Mark Horvath? You did it, and YOU got the standing ovation. Not them, you." It was a moment of realization for me, I COULD do anything, and I could do it well if I put my head in the game. Including speaking between two of my heros.
So lunch wasn't really lunch (but I did get a fantastic slice of pizza thanks to Jacki and Gord) and already it was time to head back in to the conference and be inspired some more.
Have you ever seen a new side of a friend that you really wern't expecting? An amazing thing happened on day one. I got to see Jeff with his family. I met his beautiful mother, sister and nephew(who stopped me after my talk for a hug, I now know where Jeff learned to hug so well) as well as his wonderful Uncle Jerry, who I will talk about more a little later on. I also got to see Jeff introduce his twin 18 year old sons Dylan and Jake. The pride on his face even just saying his sons names will stay with me forever. There's something about a proud papa that just makes people smile.
Now Jake and Dylan are Sneakerheads (I hope I got that right, seriously I wear Walmart flip flops in the summer and ballet flats in the winter, I fail at shoes) and they took the stage with friends and designer/businessmen Jeff Staple (stapledesign.com) and Ronnie Fieg (ronniefieg.com). The talk had a great feel of guys just sitting around chatting. I learned a little something about shoes and a little something more about how annoying it can be when people don't read photo captions before commenting or asking questions. I've been trying to be a little more aware of that now, yup, I got schooled lol.
It was clear passion would be a huge part of the afternoon as well as education. Greg Corbin with the Philly Youth Poetry Movement brought two unbelievable young people with him to perform their original writings, Sinnea Douglass and Seff Al-Afriqi. These kids, really, honestly people, we don't give our youth enough credit. These kids were amazing. Educated, articulate, passionate. I have so much more faith in the generation after mine than I do in the one I grew up in. The apathy generation is over, keep your eyes on the kids, they're going to save the world. Sinnea and Seff were brilliant and I would bet they bleed talent.
There was an interesting break in the inspiration with the Music Artists and the Real Time Web panel. A panel moderator with no control and a panellist showing up late really over shadowed where the light should have been on the panel, Dash. I had really been looking forward to this panel, as a vocalist with no stinkin clue how to break in to the music industry I was hoping for some insight. Which I started to get as Dash spoke about people approaching him and calling him the Pauly D guy. His easy smile and laid back demeanour I could see why people would approach him. And enter Charlamagne, late, who from what I understood is a morning show host on NYC radio. Despite the attempt to stay on track the panel spiralled until it ended in a debate about whether or not Kim Kardashian was a cold fish in bed. It was overly obvious they had no clue what kind of conference they were at and Leslie was not the one to control these personalities on stage. Dash was the light on this panel, but otherwise, I was sadly disappointed.
It was time for our boys (and girl) Kedre, Jessey and Anne-Marie to bring us back. Now Kedre and Jessey already had a history of making me cry. As the artists behind the We Are Visible murals I already knew how special they were. Having seen the unveiling in Toronto and been brought to tears, I couldn't wait to see the boys talk about their art. What I wasn't expecting was the touching story from Jessey about a kid he gave a chance to when he didn't have to. Anne-Marie was quiet, but her presence wasn't missed by anyone. This small woman is a force to contend with on the streets. As an outreach nurse, Anne-Marie's job involves a backpack of supplies and the street. The people that are avoided on the streets are the ones that Anne-Marie goes to first. I have nothing but respect for this woman. And nothing but respect for Kedre and Jessey for their work in the community and internationally to help shine a light on homelessness.
I needed a break... It was time for me to slip away for the day and get some food and quiet time. I was tired, drained and hungry.
After much debate and fun poking in the lobby Taylor, Krystal, Liz and I took off to locate food before the Twittementary screening later that night. I thought the emotional part of my day was over... I had no idea.
To Be Continued...
Showing posts with label Jeff Pulver. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jeff Pulver. Show all posts
6.7.12
2.7.12
Beyond The 140: Part 4 (My Talk)
I should have known.
I should have known that Jeff Pulver introducing me would yank my heart out before I even stepped out on stage. My beautiful friend could not have honoured me more with his introduction, I felt like he was introducing me to a friend, not a room full of people and an internet full of strangers. Warmth, love, heart radiated, sounding like a proud big brother he said;
"Who's here from Canada? Not that I pick favorite speakers, ever, but when I was in Kitchener-Waterloo, KW, the reason I came back to KW again and again was for the next speaker. There's something amazing about this woman who is just so real. Whose story is hard but she makes a difference in what she does, and she matters, a lot. And I'm really happy to be able to call Jodi a friend of mine, and I'm even more happy that she's going to come on stage and share something very special."
I was floored. Not even on stage and already floored. I believe my "welcome to the stage hug" included me whispering "how am I supposed to live up to that?". I didn't have time to think before it was just me and a spotlight. The air was heavy in my lungs, the floor was hard under my feet, the people were watching and waiting...
"Hi, my name is Jodi, and I don't know who I am."
The air changed. I could feel the curiosity in the room. I had their attention.
To be honest, I dont remember what I said. I know my message got across, I know I cracked some jokes, I know there was real emotion from me and I know real emotion came back from the audience. I remember holding out my hand to the people and watching it shake uncontrollably. I remember telling myself "this is your chance" and stripping down the fronts to tell it like it is. I told the world I wasn't perfect, I was far from it. I told them I was a mental health thriver. That I was ok with it. I was more than ok with it. I am not ashamed of my mental illness and that no one should be. I remember talking about my tattoo and what it meant to me. That "Let It Be" wasn't just a lyric from a Beatles song. It was a way of life.
I remember doing something I've dreamt of doing my whole life.
Terrified and shaking... I sang.
Anyone who knows me knows my two dreams. To advocate for those of us with mental illness and to sing. Jeff had given me a platform to do both and maybe start a life based on these two passions.
Grateful, humbled, amazed, in shock, I watched the audience get to their feet.
It didn't register at first. This standing ovation was for me.
The standing ovation was for me.
To be continued...
Previously recorded by my friend Greg Bisch and I (On an iPhone lol) - Let It Be
I should have known that Jeff Pulver introducing me would yank my heart out before I even stepped out on stage. My beautiful friend could not have honoured me more with his introduction, I felt like he was introducing me to a friend, not a room full of people and an internet full of strangers. Warmth, love, heart radiated, sounding like a proud big brother he said;
"Who's here from Canada? Not that I pick favorite speakers, ever, but when I was in Kitchener-Waterloo, KW, the reason I came back to KW again and again was for the next speaker. There's something amazing about this woman who is just so real. Whose story is hard but she makes a difference in what she does, and she matters, a lot. And I'm really happy to be able to call Jodi a friend of mine, and I'm even more happy that she's going to come on stage and share something very special."
I was floored. Not even on stage and already floored. I believe my "welcome to the stage hug" included me whispering "how am I supposed to live up to that?". I didn't have time to think before it was just me and a spotlight. The air was heavy in my lungs, the floor was hard under my feet, the people were watching and waiting...
"Hi, my name is Jodi, and I don't know who I am."
The air changed. I could feel the curiosity in the room. I had their attention.
To be honest, I dont remember what I said. I know my message got across, I know I cracked some jokes, I know there was real emotion from me and I know real emotion came back from the audience. I remember holding out my hand to the people and watching it shake uncontrollably. I remember telling myself "this is your chance" and stripping down the fronts to tell it like it is. I told the world I wasn't perfect, I was far from it. I told them I was a mental health thriver. That I was ok with it. I was more than ok with it. I am not ashamed of my mental illness and that no one should be. I remember talking about my tattoo and what it meant to me. That "Let It Be" wasn't just a lyric from a Beatles song. It was a way of life.
I remember doing something I've dreamt of doing my whole life.
Terrified and shaking... I sang.
Anyone who knows me knows my two dreams. To advocate for those of us with mental illness and to sing. Jeff had given me a platform to do both and maybe start a life based on these two passions.
Grateful, humbled, amazed, in shock, I watched the audience get to their feet.
It didn't register at first. This standing ovation was for me.
The standing ovation was for me.
To be continued...
Previously recorded by my friend Greg Bisch and I (On an iPhone lol) - Let It Be
**As soon as the individual videos are posted I will post my talk here**
27.6.12
Beyond The 140: Part 3
It was almost time to leave the audience and hit the green room to get ready... I had time for one more talk before I left though.
Andy and his wonderful wife Linda. Let me tell you, Andy looks like a teddy bear, his mild manner and friendly disposition did not prepare me for his talk. You see Andy is a felon. Honestly, the word itself kind of scares me, felon. There arn't many people that can say they hear the word felon and don't flinch a little inside. As their talk went on I realized that we all make mistakes, the gravity of these mistakes varies. I listened to them passionately talk about how we were dooming children by seeing them through their family history, especially those who had incarcerated family members. How people (including me) were guilty of felonism (a term Linda and Andy coined). It definitely made me think, a lot. Especially with my brother and his history. Has my mind changed about him? No. I do however see that not every ex-con is my brother.
Time to leave my seat.
Wave to Jacki and Gord.
And walk away from the stage of the 92nd street Y, knowing the next time I saw it, it would be underfoot.
Surprisingly calm I found the amazing (and fabulously organized) Melissa Pierce, who took me back to the greenroom. On our way there I got to see Jeff Pulver for the first time that day. I was wrapped in a loving hug and asked if I was ready. I told him I was as ready as I was going to be, he reassured me I would rock and I continued into the back.
My first thought entering the greenroom? "It's actually green". My second thought? "Oh good, Andrea and Joe are here." Andrea I had met months before at a 140 get together in Toronto. We instantly connected and I was lucky enough to have been a guest on a taping of her documentary for OWN Canada. Joe I met the night before at the hotel but immediately took a shine to. A sweet quiet woman from a small Kansas city. Minutes after I walked in it was Joe's turn to take the stage to talk about surviving incest in a small town, I was honoured to be able to be the one to tell her she was going to kill it and give her a hug before she hit the stage. Unfortunately due to the commotion in the greenroom I missed hearing both her and Andreas talks (I will be going back to watch, promise!). I knew they were both going to be amazing.
In a incredibly surreal moment Andrea and I started chatting, small talk, conference talk, neither of us showing the nerves I'm sure we were both feeling. People came and went in the room, Lil Jaxe (a 13 year old rapper out of Toronto) and Eric Alper (A music producer (Producer? Eric? Right? CRAP! Dude I just like YOU, havn't paid attention to your title lol) and friend also from Toronto). And then, as I'm putting on my makeup, in walks Carlos Delgado. Andrea beside me leans over and says "I don't ever do this but for my dad I need to ask for a picture with him.". The fact that Andrea, a celebrity in her own right, was having a humble moment for her father made me smile.
I looked up into the mirror, ready to put on mascara and caught Mr. Delgados eye. We gave each other warm smiles before he was distracted by another person and I went back to my face. Yup... in this surreal bubble I was living in for the moment I was putting on make up and smiling at Carlos Delgado. Never in a million years did I think this would be my life.
I hugged Joe as she came back in from her talk and then was called over by the mic guy, Anthony. Now, I suppose I should get used to getting mic-ed, but I still find it amusing to have a mans hand down my back fiddling with my bra for a reason unrelated to removing it. Andrea returned to the greenroom, signalling me that I had 10 minutes. 10 minutes until the stage was mine... and I had to pee. OMG I suddenly had to pee worse than I had ever had to pee in my life, and I was attached to a microphone. Someone asked if I was ready, all I could say was "I have to pee". Thank god for Andrea, who looked at me and said "I've pee-d while mic-ed a hundred times. Don't worry about it, just go." So I pee-d... and then it was my time...
I walked backstage, shaky and wiping sweat from my brow, and into another hug from Jeff. Terrified but confident, I was ready...
I was ready.
To Be Continued...
Andy and his wonderful wife Linda. Let me tell you, Andy looks like a teddy bear, his mild manner and friendly disposition did not prepare me for his talk. You see Andy is a felon. Honestly, the word itself kind of scares me, felon. There arn't many people that can say they hear the word felon and don't flinch a little inside. As their talk went on I realized that we all make mistakes, the gravity of these mistakes varies. I listened to them passionately talk about how we were dooming children by seeing them through their family history, especially those who had incarcerated family members. How people (including me) were guilty of felonism (a term Linda and Andy coined). It definitely made me think, a lot. Especially with my brother and his history. Has my mind changed about him? No. I do however see that not every ex-con is my brother.
Time to leave my seat.
Wave to Jacki and Gord.
And walk away from the stage of the 92nd street Y, knowing the next time I saw it, it would be underfoot.
Surprisingly calm I found the amazing (and fabulously organized) Melissa Pierce, who took me back to the greenroom. On our way there I got to see Jeff Pulver for the first time that day. I was wrapped in a loving hug and asked if I was ready. I told him I was as ready as I was going to be, he reassured me I would rock and I continued into the back.
My first thought entering the greenroom? "It's actually green". My second thought? "Oh good, Andrea and Joe are here." Andrea I had met months before at a 140 get together in Toronto. We instantly connected and I was lucky enough to have been a guest on a taping of her documentary for OWN Canada. Joe I met the night before at the hotel but immediately took a shine to. A sweet quiet woman from a small Kansas city. Minutes after I walked in it was Joe's turn to take the stage to talk about surviving incest in a small town, I was honoured to be able to be the one to tell her she was going to kill it and give her a hug before she hit the stage. Unfortunately due to the commotion in the greenroom I missed hearing both her and Andreas talks (I will be going back to watch, promise!). I knew they were both going to be amazing.
In a incredibly surreal moment Andrea and I started chatting, small talk, conference talk, neither of us showing the nerves I'm sure we were both feeling. People came and went in the room, Lil Jaxe (a 13 year old rapper out of Toronto) and Eric Alper (A music producer (Producer? Eric? Right? CRAP! Dude I just like YOU, havn't paid attention to your title lol) and friend also from Toronto). And then, as I'm putting on my makeup, in walks Carlos Delgado. Andrea beside me leans over and says "I don't ever do this but for my dad I need to ask for a picture with him.". The fact that Andrea, a celebrity in her own right, was having a humble moment for her father made me smile.
I looked up into the mirror, ready to put on mascara and caught Mr. Delgados eye. We gave each other warm smiles before he was distracted by another person and I went back to my face. Yup... in this surreal bubble I was living in for the moment I was putting on make up and smiling at Carlos Delgado. Never in a million years did I think this would be my life.
I hugged Joe as she came back in from her talk and then was called over by the mic guy, Anthony. Now, I suppose I should get used to getting mic-ed, but I still find it amusing to have a mans hand down my back fiddling with my bra for a reason unrelated to removing it. Andrea returned to the greenroom, signalling me that I had 10 minutes. 10 minutes until the stage was mine... and I had to pee. OMG I suddenly had to pee worse than I had ever had to pee in my life, and I was attached to a microphone. Someone asked if I was ready, all I could say was "I have to pee". Thank god for Andrea, who looked at me and said "I've pee-d while mic-ed a hundred times. Don't worry about it, just go." So I pee-d... and then it was my time...
I walked backstage, shaky and wiping sweat from my brow, and into another hug from Jeff. Terrified but confident, I was ready...
I was ready.
To Be Continued...
15.6.12
Vibrating: NYC
I. AM. FREAKING. OUT!!
3 more sleeps until New York City!!
I'm dying! Nerves have made me jittery and anxious but so so excited!
I can't even tell you how happy I am that Jacki, Krystal and Gord will be there with me. For so many reasons. It's not very often that a girl gets to live out a dream with some of her best friends beside her. And by beside me I mean, keeping me from falling over and making sure there are kleenexs available at all times.
Is my talk ready? Well define "ready". It changes, daily, hourly, by the minute. I have so much I want to say. So much to tell the world. So much of myself I want to give. The encouragement I have been getting just makes me want to give more, do more, be better.
On top of all of that, there is talk about #140karaoke in NYC. Did you hear that? Probably not since it was me, unable to catch my breath. I've mentioned before my dream of singing to finance my mental health projects. Singing in NYC would just blow my mind... BLOW. MY. MIND. The experience would be stellar, killer, amazing... pretty much any word you can find in the thesaurus under "incredible".
This whole trip is going to be incredible.
I'm trying to figure out how to download my brain so I can have space to fill with all the new memories I'm going to make. Another reason I am so glad I'm going to have friends with me, to remind me of what the hell happened!
I'm not quite sure how I'm going to be able to thank Jeff Pulver and the 140 family for making this happen.
3 sleeps.
Well 3 nights, I don't know how much sleep I'm going to get.
3 more sleeps until New York City!!
I'm dying! Nerves have made me jittery and anxious but so so excited!
I can't even tell you how happy I am that Jacki, Krystal and Gord will be there with me. For so many reasons. It's not very often that a girl gets to live out a dream with some of her best friends beside her. And by beside me I mean, keeping me from falling over and making sure there are kleenexs available at all times.
Is my talk ready? Well define "ready". It changes, daily, hourly, by the minute. I have so much I want to say. So much to tell the world. So much of myself I want to give. The encouragement I have been getting just makes me want to give more, do more, be better.
On top of all of that, there is talk about #140karaoke in NYC. Did you hear that? Probably not since it was me, unable to catch my breath. I've mentioned before my dream of singing to finance my mental health projects. Singing in NYC would just blow my mind... BLOW. MY. MIND. The experience would be stellar, killer, amazing... pretty much any word you can find in the thesaurus under "incredible".
This whole trip is going to be incredible.
I'm trying to figure out how to download my brain so I can have space to fill with all the new memories I'm going to make. Another reason I am so glad I'm going to have friends with me, to remind me of what the hell happened!
I'm not quite sure how I'm going to be able to thank Jeff Pulver and the 140 family for making this happen.
3 sleeps.
Well 3 nights, I don't know how much sleep I'm going to get.
11.6.12
The Fear of Opportunity
So my last post I talked about the amazing opportunity that #140conf is going to be for me. I am vibrating with excitement, fear, amazement and nerves. Getting to see and talk to Jeff this week was even more uplifting. Knowing what is coming in the future settled my brain a bit. Plus Jeff radiates magic and I can't help but learn from him and be in awe when he is around.
Now here is my fear.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing. For 8 months my life has been focused on 140 in NYC, now it's here and then what? What do I do next? This is supposed to be my big break but I don't know how to grab it. I don't know who to talk to, who to work with, who to grab by the arm and hold on to.
What do I do?
Like I've said, in a perfect world I would be singing. This would actually support my family and allow me to finance projects to help end the stigma of mental illness. But that's a perfect world. Right now I'm scared my life will never move beyond a minimum wage. That I won't be able to support my daughter like she deserves. That I won't be able to reach the people who need me to be their voice when they can't be. What if I have built this up so much in my head that I have made the pedestal too high.
The last few weeks my confidence has been super high. I know what I have to offer and I know that I can and will be an asset to this world. Right now though, I'm like a toddler. I see blocks, I see a tower, but I have no idea how to make those blocks into a tower. I am missing that crucial middle piece that tells me how to take the raw potential I have and turn it into something great.
How do I do it?
Do you know? Can you help me? What do I do at the starting line to get me to the finish?
I have seen miracles. I have worked hard. I am ready to be the person I dream of being. I just need to know how.
Now here is my fear.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing. For 8 months my life has been focused on 140 in NYC, now it's here and then what? What do I do next? This is supposed to be my big break but I don't know how to grab it. I don't know who to talk to, who to work with, who to grab by the arm and hold on to.
What do I do?
Like I've said, in a perfect world I would be singing. This would actually support my family and allow me to finance projects to help end the stigma of mental illness. But that's a perfect world. Right now I'm scared my life will never move beyond a minimum wage. That I won't be able to support my daughter like she deserves. That I won't be able to reach the people who need me to be their voice when they can't be. What if I have built this up so much in my head that I have made the pedestal too high.
The last few weeks my confidence has been super high. I know what I have to offer and I know that I can and will be an asset to this world. Right now though, I'm like a toddler. I see blocks, I see a tower, but I have no idea how to make those blocks into a tower. I am missing that crucial middle piece that tells me how to take the raw potential I have and turn it into something great.
How do I do it?
Do you know? Can you help me? What do I do at the starting line to get me to the finish?
I have seen miracles. I have worked hard. I am ready to be the person I dream of being. I just need to know how.
5.6.12
Ten Minutes (#140conf)
I wish I could just open up my brain and let you see whats going on inside of it. To try and put it on paper is proving to be a more difficult than I thought it would be.
I have so much going on right now.
I'm going to focus on the State Of Now (aka #140conf) conference in New York City coming up in less than 2 weeks. An amazing man who I have been lucky enough to become friends with over the past year, Jeff Pulver, invited me last September to speak at his conference in NYC. At the time I didn't know much about 140 or Jeff but I knew New York City and immediately said yes. Now? Well the more I learn about Jeff, the conference and my fellow speakers the more nervous I'm getting.
It's anxiety, but its good anxiety. It's nerves. This is the opportunity I have been waiting for. A global stage. A global stage in a room full of people who inspire, support, and amaze daily. I am lucky enough to be speaking with some of my dearest friends, Jacki Yovanoff, Heather Hamilton, Taylor Jones. And some people who inspire me greatly, Wes Prankard, Mark Horvath, and the man himself, Jeff Pulver. This certainly is helping with the nerves, knowing i'll be surrounded by friends. However knowing i'll also be surrounded by people such as Deepak Chopra, Carlos Delgado and other amazing people, sky rockets the nerves again. I know people are just people, but my god... Just... my god.
I have two major passions in my life. Educating and advocating for those living with mental health issues and in poverty and singing. My dream would be to sing as a career, make enough money and gain enough popularity to be able to make a viable impact on the stigmas surrounding mental illness and poverty. To be able to say to people, "I have a mental illness and I lived in poverty, but I never gave up dreaming. Now I'm living my dream and not hiding in the shadows". I would totally be happy doing just one or the other. I need a platform though. I need a mentor, a guide, a plan. I think #140conf is where I am finally going to be able to meet people to show me my path and influence how I continue to move through life.
But at the moment, my heart is in my throat. How in ten minutes do I explain to the world who I am. My failures, my successes, the miracles I have seen, felt and been a part of? That my world is full of beautiful, amazing, awe inspiring people. That I have been to rock bottom and been lifted back up from the bottom by people who I have never met or met through social media alone. That I've been able to provide things to my daughter that I would never have been able to provide alone. That I've been given strength and support I have only dreamed of. That even in my darkest days of mental illness, I have never felt completely alone.
Ten minutes to explain my history and reach out and grab a hold of my future.
Ten minutes.
I have so much going on right now.
I'm going to focus on the State Of Now (aka #140conf) conference in New York City coming up in less than 2 weeks. An amazing man who I have been lucky enough to become friends with over the past year, Jeff Pulver, invited me last September to speak at his conference in NYC. At the time I didn't know much about 140 or Jeff but I knew New York City and immediately said yes. Now? Well the more I learn about Jeff, the conference and my fellow speakers the more nervous I'm getting.
It's anxiety, but its good anxiety. It's nerves. This is the opportunity I have been waiting for. A global stage. A global stage in a room full of people who inspire, support, and amaze daily. I am lucky enough to be speaking with some of my dearest friends, Jacki Yovanoff, Heather Hamilton, Taylor Jones. And some people who inspire me greatly, Wes Prankard, Mark Horvath, and the man himself, Jeff Pulver. This certainly is helping with the nerves, knowing i'll be surrounded by friends. However knowing i'll also be surrounded by people such as Deepak Chopra, Carlos Delgado and other amazing people, sky rockets the nerves again. I know people are just people, but my god... Just... my god.
I have two major passions in my life. Educating and advocating for those living with mental health issues and in poverty and singing. My dream would be to sing as a career, make enough money and gain enough popularity to be able to make a viable impact on the stigmas surrounding mental illness and poverty. To be able to say to people, "I have a mental illness and I lived in poverty, but I never gave up dreaming. Now I'm living my dream and not hiding in the shadows". I would totally be happy doing just one or the other. I need a platform though. I need a mentor, a guide, a plan. I think #140conf is where I am finally going to be able to meet people to show me my path and influence how I continue to move through life.
But at the moment, my heart is in my throat. How in ten minutes do I explain to the world who I am. My failures, my successes, the miracles I have seen, felt and been a part of? That my world is full of beautiful, amazing, awe inspiring people. That I have been to rock bottom and been lifted back up from the bottom by people who I have never met or met through social media alone. That I've been able to provide things to my daughter that I would never have been able to provide alone. That I've been given strength and support I have only dreamed of. That even in my darkest days of mental illness, I have never felt completely alone.
Ten minutes to explain my history and reach out and grab a hold of my future.
Ten minutes.
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