I Know How I'm Going To Die

In a fire, sitting on my couch. Same for Monkey I'm going to assume.

"Why?" you ask... because I live in the Boy Who Cried Wolf building.

My building has monthly fire alarm testing, which I appreciate completely, however they've stopped informing us of it. We used to have notices posted about 2 days in advance telling us when the testing was going to take place. For almost 2 years they gave us advance notice and suddenly it's stopped.

First few times it happened I grabbed my keys and my kid and bolted out the door, down the stairs and out of the building. Usually in PJs no one should see and with my kid wrapped in a blanket (because I live in Canada and lets face it, it was cold until May). Only to arrive outside, alone, and have the alarm turn off. Out of breath and sweaty from the panicked dash down the stairs, I'd go back to my apartment swearing under my breath and out loud on twitter.

The last few times I've waited. Usually about 2 minutes into the screeching alarm I wander over to the door to see if theres smoke or heat or people on fire and about the same time the alarm usually turns off. So this time, as I'm sitting in my underwear and Monkey is buck naked potty training I start to think "Man if this was real we'd look pretty funny running outside" and then I was like "This would be the time it was real, wait, is it real? Am I sitting here casually ignoring the possible impending death of Monkey and I?". I grab my keys, a blankie to wrap around Monkey and Monkey and start for the door when... you guessed it.... alarm turns off.

These un-notified alarm testings are basically numbing me and the baby to the fire alarm and how and why it's so important to have. Monkey isn't learning fire safety at all, she's learning fire alarm annoyance. I want to use the alarms as practices for her, but I wont do it when she or I is half naked or if I'm cooking or doing something that by leaving it could actually cause a fire. I want to be prepared, I dont want her to be prepared (other then dressed) but I want to be prepared. Practising when it could cause issues is just as irresponsible as not practising IMO. Plus knowing when they're going to happen makes sure that if the alarm goes off at a not designated time, we know to actually leave the building, and not just sit and wait to find out if its a test.

Now I'm at a crossroads, do I write a letter to the landlord (a non-profit agency providing geared to income housing) stating my concerns and asking why the testing times are no longer posted? Or just start bolting from the building everytime the alarm goes off?

Look Ma! I vlogged!

Well its finally happened, I vlogged.

I don't need 15 grand...

So lately I've been seeing a LOT of cool contests out there. No crazy sign ups that need everything back to your great-uncles date of birth or needing credit cards or anything (FINALLY!). This might take the cake though.

$15,000

Not that any of you need $15,000 right? Nope, not us, we're rolling in extra cash. Oh, you're not? Wanna be?

Centrsource is giving anyone, yes ANYONE, with a business (or a great business idea) a chance to win $15,000 PLUS free advertising. Plus runner up prizes and even prizes for voters. Money, advertising, iPads... this is the jackpot of contests!

Any business (or idea, registered or not) is welcome to participate! Etsy shop, cleaning business, restaurant, daycare, toy maker, butcher, baker even a candle stick maker can get in on this.

Oh, want some more incentive? How about a couple free months of advertising just for entering? Yeah, that's basically saving your business 100 bucks JUST because you entered to win $15,000. CRAZY!

So, you're going to want to run (or click) over to HERE before July 31st, 2011 and enter! (Open to Canadians minus Quebec)

Still reading eh? Not sure why... Shouldn't you be, oh, I don't know, ENTERING?!

The Battle Of Cotton Scented Doom

Somewhere in my house there is an angry,sticky, wheezing spider that smells cottony fresh.

So I`m sitting on my couch, minding my business, when I happen to glance up at my ceiling and see 3 massive spiders having some kind of spider meeting (Or maybe an orgy, I don`t know, I don`t speak spider). I play it cool, let them chill and having their little get together and then one of them decides to peace out and starts a decent towards the couch I am currently sitting on.

Since the damn thing is as big as a small dog I immediately started shouting ``Òh no you don`t`` and clapping at it in a deranged manner similar to someone trying to distract a toddler from a candy/balloon/toy/free puppy store. Suddenly he started to retreat and I realised it was not my voice or the clapping but the fact that I am now panic panting hard enough to send his web-line swinging. I barely have time to catch my breath when wise guy number two starts making his way down towards me.

Deciding that I will have none of that and being the truly modern and brave woman that I am, I immediately jump up from my seat, squeal my super high pitched battle cry and bolt for something in an aerosol can to battle the intruder with. Not wanting to have to touch the corpse, I also grabbed my vacuum hose section. Now armed with Glade air freshner and a vacuum, I approached the ring leader as it once again made its attempted decent.

That's when I struck!

While squealing (its a battle cry! Remember?!) I took aim and fired! Shooting a mist of fresh linen scented death at him. Finger still on the trigger I realised it wasnt working, so I kicked on the vacuum, ready to suck the little bastard into oblivion! To my horror I realised that the vacuum hose wasn't sucking anything in and I had inadvertently given him an escape into the protection of the nozzle!

Then it happened... 2 or maybe 3, probably closer to 35 creepy crawly legs came out of the hose not even half an inch from my hand. I threw the hose, kicked off the vacuum, and stepped back to try to make my own escape from the epic death match I was entangled in. I stepped back, right onto a dinky car. Since I wasn't paying attention to the other two conspirators I can only assume it was placed there by them while I was distracted with attacker number one.

Falling over on to more strategically placed toys, I frantically scrambled backwards to get away, having lost sight of my opponent. Knowing how fast a spider normally can move, it was only logical to assume an angry, freshly scented spider moves faster. Pulling myself to my feet I lunged for the bathroom to seek out another weapon, when I realised something was wrong. My lunge landing foot seemed unwilling to support my landing weight and once again I found myself on the floor at the mercy of my eight legged nemesis.

Hobbling I managed to retreat to the bathroom where I found the ultimate in anti-spider weaponry, hairspray. Slowly, carefully I returned to the location of our battle, re-armed and ready to finish what I started. He, however, was nowhere to be found. Obviously having taken the opportunity to leave and regroup in preparation for our inevitable future meeting. The epic battle never over until one of us lay dead. As a reminder to his cohorts of what too could happen to them, I liberally coated his last known location with hairspray.

I then returned to my seat. Where I am now, with hairspray at the ready, telling you, my loyal readers of my epic fight. I tell you this in hopes that should the battle continue and I not make it back, you will share my story with the world. Tell the people of my sacrifice and journey and hopefully it will prevent them from having to travel the same path I did.

A path that ends in victory for no one, but a super fresh smelling house for at least an hour.

U2? ME TOO!

Y'all may not know this but U2 is my dream concert band. I've never been to one of those giant, lights and smoke type concerts. In fact the biggest concert I've been to was probably Kelly Clarkson at Center In The Square in Kitchener. I knew all the words (still do!) and I got to hear her sing “Why” by Annie Lennox. It blew my mind. That being said I think if I ever got to go to one of those super big concerts for someone like U2, I would probably need to bring oxygen.

I'd also probably have had to have won the lottery. Concert tickets arn't cheap by any means. Especially U2! Have you looked online at people selling tickets?! Thousands of dollars... It's effing insane! That doesn't even include food or transportation or parking or a place to stay or a souvenir or anything. Chances are you're also sitting in the nose bleeds. Watching the concert on a screen because the stage is so far away you're not sure if you're watching Bono and the Edge or a kindergarten presentation of The Ants Go Marching.

So long story short I dream of seeing U2 in concert and have for YEARS! Closest I've gotten to it is seeing some random drunk guy serenading his date of the night at karaoke with With Or Without You or concert footage on TV. Until now...

Ok well not like officially until now but its more likely now lol. Get Tickets has a contest running on facebook for the July 11th, 2011 show in Toronto to see U2! Its floor seats, dinner and an overnight stay for 2, and they're giving away 2 of them!! So in hopes that I may convince you to bring me along if you win I'm telling you about it. More people I know entering is more people I know who might win and bring me along right?

SO... Run on over here http://apps.facebook.com/utwo-get-tickets/blog and enter. Theres no skill testing, friend sending (unless you want to) crap to fill out. Just like it and you're in!

Don't get me wrong I do plan on winning, however should there be a glitch in my plan I have no problem going with one of you lovely angels.