Nerves of Jello!

Ever wanted to pee yourself, throw up, cry and laugh hysterically all at the same time?

Yeah... I drowned it all with wine and cake.

Today I applied for a job I've been dreaming about. A job I know I could be happy in. A job that would make me feel like I was making a difference and doing something I could be proud to tell people I do. A job that would show who I am and what I truly am capable of.

There are some days, despite knowing better, I still think of myself as just that drop-out, pregnant life failure I used to be. The person who didn't love myself, never mind care about myself at all. The person who hadn't scratched, clawed and fought her way out of the damn gutter.

I am not that girl any more.

I am a strong woman now. I have worked hard to become more then who she was.

Applying for this job today was exhilarating and proved to me I have grown. Before, I would never have applied, I wouldn't have thought I was good enough. Over the past year I have had so many people, events and opportunities that have lifted me up and taken my previous ego to a place of confidence. I've moved beyond the in your face "Im fucking awesome. Im a big girl and a big personality and you will love me." to being able to be myself and quietly exuding confidence and self worth. Well maybe not quietly volume wise lol.

In this moment I am so proud of myself and humbled by the life that has brought me here. I have survived and thrived for a reason, a damn good one I'm sure. The feeling I am having right now is nothing short of amazing. Applying for this job has lifted my spirit. Whether I get the job or not, I have accomplished something great in my life. I am thankful just to have had the opportunity to try.

Good things are coming for me, I feel it in the air.