Why I'm Going To Lose My Womanhood Card (or My Most Un-Popular Opinion Ever)

Friday the Supreme Court of Canada ruled that unconscious women can't consent to sex. My immediate thought? "No shit!"... Except then I actually read why it was up for debate and (let the hate mail begin) I disagree in this case. (Quick synopsis, woman asks to be choked during sex, man agrees, woman loses consciousness, man continues sexual activities.)

So here is why I disagree.

1. The woman didn't report the incident until their relationship broke up and he made an attempt at custody of their child. Now come on woman! That's just a low blow. If he had made a claim of spousal abuse after she tried for custody the whole world would have called bullshit faster then you can say "dirty play".

2. This couple was into a little bondage and s&m, which is totally cool, we've all been there or known someone or whatever. Either way its their choice what they do in the bedroom. So she asks her man to choke her to the point of unconsciousness for her sexual pleasure, ok, fine. Her man agrees, presumably for his own sexual pleasure.

Do we see where I'm going with this folks? At this point I'm making an assumption that she gets off on a little pain. Ever accidentally choked yourself with a scarf in the winter? Its not exactly pain-free. So any way...

Her man decides while she's unconscious to continue their sexual activities. Probably not the brightest thought he's ever had, hell it probably was the stupidest decision he ever made, and I would probably be pissed too if I was her. Obviously I am well aware of the fact that a woman who is out cold can not consent or revoke consent, but come on. This isn't a case of him drugging her and having sex without her knowledge. They were in a sexually consenting relationship, that involved erotic asphyxiation and they were in the process of screwing around. I don't know anyone who is in this kind of relationship (and yes I've known a few) that the woman ASKS to be choked and doesn't expect her man to get off too. Do you think she thought "Oh good, he can choke me until I get off and pass out and then he'll just roll over and go to sleep like a good little puppy". If you are going to ask to get choked, do you not think it would be smart to discuss what is and is not ok for AFTER YOU PASS OUT?!

I am not by any means encouraging anyone to choke their partner and then continue with their own agenda. It's stupid and wrong, but illegal? It's like parachuting and then suing the company you parachuted with because you landed and didn't keep soaring majestically once you decided it was a thrill.

So yeah, Supreme Court of Canada, I know you don't give a damn what I think but I disagree completely with your decision.

General Reading Public, here is my advice to you. If you are engaging in an activity where you might become incapable of voicing an opinion for whatever reason, DISCUSS ALL ASPECTS IN ADVANCE! Hell if you are having sex period, discuss it. If you can have sex you had better damn well be able to talk about it. If you are not comfortable talking about sex and sexual activities, YOU SHOULD NOT BE HAVING SEX. There is a maturity level involved in sexual activity that you need to be able to deal with.

Suddenly I've turned this post into a PSA about safe sexual activities. Reality is though, people don't think about sex enough outside of picturing people naked. So I leave you with my quick list of how to stay safe.

  1. Use protection - this should be a no brainer, it's not. Condoms, they arn't just for carrying in your wallet and giggling about.
  2. Get tested - How hard is it to get a blood test in between partners? I know I don't feel like getting sick or dying, do you?
  3. Talk about sex - Don't be shy, don't be ashamed, don't hold back. You want to be having great sex, you need to talk about it. The good, the bad, the ugly and the "if you do that, you will never touch me again".


  1. I understand your point.
    She agreed to be choked. It's her responsibility (beforehand), as well as his, to discuss what happens next.
    For the sake of argument, I would still side with the court's decision. Because they didn't discuss it, she didn't give consent to what would follow, the onus is on him, then, not to act. Thing is, there's no boundary to "a little pain." It's a matter of interpretation -- his, since she was unconscious. And that's what's not okay. (My 2 cents.)

  2. wratwrds... I would totally agree with you except for the fact that she waited months to report it until she was in a custody battle.

    I think this is one of those odd, should be taken on a case by case basis type of thing.

    All sex SHOULD be specifically consented to but this is one of those "could go either way" situations IMO


  3. Great post! I love this line...

    If you are not comfortable talking about sex and sexual activities, YOU SHOULD NOT BE HAVING SEX.


Lord knows I have an opinion, you should have one too!